Let go of the need to understand. All that does is send your linguistic, narrative, problem solving mind into loops that it will never be able to complete. It’s a massive drain on your physical as well as total energy. I’m sure you’re well aware of that.

It’s not going to make sense, but your brain is going try anyway. Do your best to reign it in. Meditate or use whatever practice helps and works.

The goal is to reclaim your energy, reclaim your power. Then be still and open to whatever meaning is out there for the thoughts you’re having. I guarantee the truth is far more beautiful and powerful than what your mind is trying to make it be.