A Warrior’s Creed
I’m going to have to preface this quite a bit. Let me start off by saying that I am not a soldier or a fighter or a law enforcement officer. I am a pacifist. I abhor conflict in every possible way. There was a time when I would do anything to avoid conflict. I’m still pretty much like that, but I’m beginning to find my footing. As the line says from Slipknot’s “Sulfur”; “You don’t always know where you stand, until you know that you won’t run away”. Most things that people fight over don’t seem to me to be worth the time and energy to fight about it.
Having said that, I’ve been bred and raised to be a warrior. My father was a US Marine, a law enforcement officer for over 30 years, and an avid hunter. I have two older brothers that sometimes picked on me, sometimes protected me. I was taught to be tough. I know how to fight and take a punch (I’m also surprisingly good at dodging them). I know my way around a gun and a knife. As the line goes from the Hank Williams Jr song, “We can skin a buck and run a trout line. A country boy can survive.”
Earlier in my spiritual awakening, I was inspired by the writings of the Dalai Lama and other eastern thinkers, as well as by the teachings and acts of Jesus and other early Christian martyrs. They preached pacifism and it spoke to me. It certainly makes a lot of sense that violence can only breed more violence. The only way to stop the cycle is to choose to stop it within yourself and not give in to violent behaviors.
I wrote a piece about pacifism and choosing love, understanding and democracy over guns and foolishly sent it to my father. I think my Dad’s exact response was, “That’s nice son, but you’re barking up the wrong tree”. It took my mother to point out that my father has been living behind the gun his entire life. He’s not going to give it up. That struck me and made me think.
In 30+ years of law enforcement and military service, he’s never shot anyone. Not that there hasn’t been ample opportunity. He’s had to answer calls where guns were definitely drawn and things could have gone sideways easily. Yet there is something to be said to be the one holding the gun, finger on the trigger, and to choose not to shoot. That’s an entirely different level of pacifism than is commonly preached.
I remember something else my father told me. When you’re in that position to make that kind of choice, you have to be prepared to pull the trigger. Mentally, he’s already shot the person that he’s aiming at. I was taught that a gun is a tool of death and to never point one at something that I didn’t want to destroy. So I understood his words.
So no, I’m not a warrior in the traditional sense. I thank God that I’ve never been in that situation and I pray that I never will be. I am a spiritual and mental warrior, however. I bravely venture into parts of my psyche that even the bravest of souls have to seek therapy for. I have a very dark mind. I see images of death all of the time. I imagine putting a pistol in my mouth. I imagine what it tastes like. What does it smell like just before my brains end up on the wall behind me? That’s not even the worst parts of it. If I was thinking that about myself, then imagine what I thought about doing to those that pissed me off or threatened those I love.
(Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal and have no intention of ending my life. I have a wonderful life and am grateful for every moment!)
I used to fear and hate that dark part of me. I could never conquer it and the more I pushed it away the more graphic it became. I was scared of myself and what I am capable of.
I firmly believe there is a warrior spirit (among others) guiding me. I see it in the back of my mind all of the time. It holds a staff and fights I know not what, but I know it’s there. I also know it likes kittens. I know it is a part of me and symbolizes my strength and resolve.
As I’ve continued my spiritual path, I’ve given up fear, hate, and certainty. I trust God completely. By “God”, I mean everything that isn’t under my control, which is basically everything. I trust that everything is exactly where and what it needs to be in this moment. I trust that I am whole and complete. I no longer fear that dark side of me and by extension the dark side of life. I have tamed my demons and taken back their power over me. Their power was always mine, as they were always me to begin with.
I can finally forgive and love unconditionally others and myself.
What I present below is what my warrior spirit guide has taught me from the teachings of my two greatest guru’s, Jesus and Lao Tzu, and a little bit from what God has taught me directly. In life, there are only choices and consequences. May we choose wisely.
Without further ado, here is my Warrior’s Creed:
“Love your enemy as yourself.
Treat the worthy with respect.
Treat the unworthy with respect also.
Who can claim to be worthy?
When battle is all that is left to us,
March courageously, yet forlornly,
For you are marching to a funeral.
When death is all that is left to us,
It is your brothers and sisters who will die,
No matter what colors they wear.
It is I who dies when I am forced to kill.
Do not kill with hate, only hold love
And sorrow in your heart.
Protect the weak.
Guide them with your staff as the shepherd.
Keep them safe from the wolves.
Remember all things are born and all things die.
Look to the east for sunrise.
A new day will dawn.
A new season will wash the blood from the battlefield.
Though minds grow feeble and the masses won’t remember,
Blood and bone never forget.”
